feelin' shitty happens

20 May

Today I woke up feeling totally shitty. Not sick, just really not myself. I was feeling low, lonely, achy, tired and just generally shitty. I am totally thinking my feeling shitty was in part due to my food intake.

Last night, my darling husband says to me, “you want some oreos and milk?” To which of course I say, “why yes darling, I do.”

I have absolutely no will power.  I can’t even remember the last time I had oreos and milk.  The last few weeks I have been hungry all the time. Boxing and kickboxing give me a huge appetite. I have not denied myself much of anything and I cannot convince myself any longer that I can eat this way.

I am not even sure how it happened. I stopped counting points and calories. I hate all the tracking. I convinced myself that I could eat like this because of my workouts.  Boxing and kickboxing are both amazing workouts and I have been pushing myself in ways I did not know I had in me.  I have not pushed myself this hard …well, ever.  I convinced myself I could eat whatever…I mean I am burning 800 – 1000 calories each and every class I take.

Even after gains and minimal losses I have convinced myself that it is ok.

IT IS NOT OK!!!

I am working way too hard in boxing and kickboxing classes. I am working with a personal trainer once a week. I am walking on days I am not in the gym. I want to go back to running as soon as I have my new orthotics.  However, running is going to freaking hurt if my knees continue to be achy like they are right now.  I am almost positive (and I will be researching this very topic) that there is a connection between sugar and achy joints and tiredness.

After a very awesome personal training session today I spoke with Butch (the manager of my local LA Boxing). He asked me how I was making out with my goals. I told him that I am basically at the same weight as when I started about a month ago. He called me on the carpet: he asked me how my eating has been! The nerve of that man!!! I countered that my body was changing and I felt tighter and more toned. Hell, I actually feel muscles in my arms and I can do lunges. I have made improvements in the past month but the scale was basically at the same spot. Then Butch asked me what my results would be like if I was eating better??

No Oreos for me tonight.

Instead:

*I will focus on what my body needs.

*I will journal my food.

*I will figure the best way for me to track.

*I will focus on fresh, healthy foods.

*I will not beat myself up if I am not perfect.

Let me repeat that one: I WILL NOT BEAT MYSELF UP IF I AM NOT PERFECT!!!

I want to be a knockout!! I wanna be a strong, sexy, badass woman!! I know what I need to do to get there…now it is just a matter of “manning up” and doing it!!

**good night my friends, more on this topic will come but for now it is bed time. And I need my beauty sleep…another essential element to this weight loss/get healthy journey I am on.

P.S. A special thanks to Trish and Dr.Mo!! You ladies know how to make a girl smile and feel loved!

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15 Responses to “feelin' shitty happens”

  1. Dr. Mo May 20, 2010 at 11:59 pm #

    Awwwww….. I'm happy that I could make you smile on a day like today!!! You have recognized your mistakes. Now, lets correct them and become the YOU that WE know YOU CAN BE!!!!!!! I Love ya, girl!!!! *Besos*Dr. Mo

    • jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

      *besos* to you my friend!! thanks for being you and loving me!

  2. Trish @IamSucceeding May 21, 2010 at 6:19 am #

    Jen I had no idea you were going through this…I just wanted you to know I am really inspired by what I see you doing…boxing…walking…workouts.I keep re-learning this too about the whole food good mood connection. Someday it will become a part of me…I know it will, but am also sure before it does I may end down that same bad road once again…only to re-discover it again.With working out so much you may want to consider leaning towards good protein sources. That may help with feeling satisfied a bit more without the added empty calories.I meant what I said yesterday…or never would have said it! =)Love you…hoping today is a better one for you!

    • jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

      Today was a much better day. I woke up with sore muscles and a mission on mymind. I will think about what I am eating and I will pay attention to whatmy body needs. I am even looking into green smoothies and I will researchfood/fuel. Thanks for being a friend! xox

  3. Dinneen Diette May 21, 2010 at 7:20 am #

    First let me say — and say loud — that losing weight has nothing to do with willpower. Nothing. So don't beat yourself up for that.Second, you're smart to stop 'counting' points. Because in all honesty, that's not something you can continue to do for life. And as you said you hate doing it, then it won't work for you.Start listening to what your body wants. If you really listen to your body, it will feed you correctly and well.Let me also put this out there — were you feeling shitty because of what you ate….or were you feeling shitty so you ate the oreos? It looks to me that you need to look deeper. Losing weight (and gaining weight) have little to do with 'food.'And realize that as you are working out — it's normal that the scale didn't move. Muscle weighs more than fat. So you're probably 'lost' fat, but put on muscle (which is a good thing).I suggest stop listening to others — and start listening to yourself. Deep inside yourself. What are you *really* hungry for? I

    • jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

      Dinneen, thank you for you kind words. I am still processing all that youhave wrote. Thank you, truly. xox, jen

  4. workout mommy May 21, 2010 at 8:42 am #

    I love your honesty! and I understand the oreos and milk. I've been saying yes for almost a year now and finally on Sunday night decided to make a change. It's hard as hell to resist that sugar, but i DO feel better! i love that tshirt–you'll be a badass hot woman before you know it! :)have a great weekend!

  5. lastminutemandy May 21, 2010 at 12:32 pm #

    I am right. there. with you. I was eating what ever the hell I wanted too. Have I lost weight? Nope. And that is so freaking stupid of me, b/c I feel like I'm losing this awesome opportunity! So, me and you, back to eating stuff that doesn't make our asses bigger? Deal! I'm gonna post later and link you in it, cause we are sharing brains today. 😉

    • jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

      you and me sharing a brain is just TOO scary to think about withoutlaughing! We must kick it into high gear and seize this opportunity. Hit meup in an email, we should chat daily. xoxo

  6. MizFit May 21, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

    dangnubbit 🙂 Im late to the soiree and dinneen stole the good comment :)(translation: what she said. she smart and I so agree.)as a result im gonna ramble.first. for me when I was working to lose weight these kinds of things were in a way a GIFT.Id wake up.feel crappy and tired and moody and ID JOURNAL.Id write about the crappymoodylethargic and it really did help me the next time I heard the call of the poptarts to refer back to that and remind myself how horrible I feel with all the processedick inside of me.also–I THINK YOU ARE HUNGRY! what you dm'ed me makes total sense! you may need to heed your body and add in another meal during the day.a minimeal even.a clean healthy muscle building calorie addition.

  7. jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    you and me sharing a brain is just TOO scary to think about withoutlaughing! We must kick it into high gear and seize this opportunity. Hit meup in an email, we should chat daily. xoxo

  8. jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 10:13 pm #

    *besos* to you my friend!! thanks for being you and loving me!

  9. jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 10:22 pm #

    Today was a much better day. I woke up with sore muscles and a mission on mymind. I will think about what I am eating and I will pay attention to whatmy body needs. I am even looking into green smoothies and I will researchfood/fuel. Thanks for being a friend! xox

  10. MizFit May 21, 2010 at 10:22 pm #

    dangnubbit 🙂 Im late to the soiree and dinneen stole the good comment :)(translation: what she said. she smart and I so agree.)as a result im gonna ramble.first. for me when I was working to lose weight these kinds of things were in a way a GIFT.Id wake up.feel crappy and tired and moody and ID JOURNAL.Id write about the crappymoodylethargic and it really did help me the next time I heard the call of the poptarts to refer back to that and remind myself how horrible I feel with all the processedick inside of me.also–I THINK YOU ARE HUNGRY! what you dm'ed me makes total sense! you may need to heed your body and add in another meal during the day.a minimeal even.a clean healthy muscle building calorie addition.

  11. jeninRL May 21, 2010 at 10:26 pm #

    Dinneen, thank you for you kind words. I am still processing all that youhave wrote. Thank you, truly. xox, jen

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