It really IS what I want

20 Aug

I have been floundering a bit and I made no secrets about it. I wanted to hide but this is my place to let it all out. So let it all out I did.  Between my pouring my soul out and reading and replying to the comments ya’ll left, I really felt like I picked up the phone and had a good bitch session with my best friend.  I realize now that there are so many emotions wrapped up in my funk: I am a bit depressed – hey being broke sucks – but I feel so lucky that I have enough. I promise I am not crazy depressed just a wee bit sad. I am a bit lonely – I love all my online friends and you guys seriously ROCK but I would like someone to run or workout with just once a week so we could chat about our lives. I know a bunch of people but I feel like the outcast…I wanna workout and not just hang at a bar.

Today, Karen linked on facebook and her post was so perfect. Basically she talked about all the blogger-types who are currently training  for some sort of race or another.  Karen asked, “Do you know what you REALLY want or are you letting someone else’s dream become yours?” This question really made me stop in my tracks and really think about it. I actually was thinking about why I am training for this half last night while I was running. I didn’t have an exact answer but it weighed on my mind and then I read Karen’s post. Karen, if you are reading this…Thank you! You helped me realize that I really do want to do this!!

Here’s what I have come up with so far:

1. I really have developed a love for running. I realized this running without music. I finish a run with no music and I am drenched with sweat, a tomato red face and a cheesy grin on my face. Yep, a smile.

2. I like the way my body feels after a run.  I am starting to get a strange appreciation for sore muscles.

3. I want to run a half marathon. At my own pace. I don’t care what pace anyone else runs. I don’t care about the competition part. That may annoy people who are diehards that it is a race so people who enter should want to win. Oh well, fuck it! I want to run, walk or crawl as long as I finish.

4. I needed something to train for. I want to solidify a daily workout plan.  This may sound crazy but seriously, I need to workout regularly or I will completely suck it at the half….that just cannot happen! I will not be unprepared! I am not there yet, but I am working on the perfect plan for me.

5. I have always wanted to be a runner. I ran cross country my freshman year but I sucked big time and I wound up hurting my knees (side note, I do have Chondromalacia patella in both knees and was diagnosed at this time) and I never really ran after that injury. I faked it as much as I could. I never pushed myself. I accepted my injury and let pain win. Since losing a bunch of weight and walking tons I have been practically pain free. I want to be a runner.  I want to do it for real!

I really do want to do this for me!

I know it is going to take hard work, dedication and a plan. I thought I had it all figured out but I am learning that I know nothing!  I need a new plan.

1.  My plan must fit me! I hate mornings and getting up to run just has not worked! I don’t like it and I hate beating myself up for not jumping out of bed. I do, however, not mind getting up a tad earlier.

2. I actually like running later in the day and especially after sunset. I hate running without sunglasses because I have sensitive eyes but I hate running with sunglasses because they are always slipping off my nose. A hat just doesn’t cut it in the summer sun.

My new plan:

1. I will continue to set alarm for 6:00, Monday – Friday: wake up and take Lucy out, do 20-3o minutes of some sort of workout video (dvd, wii, or on-demand), then take Lucy for a 20-30 minute walk.

2. I will be prepared! I will decide the night before what my morning workout will be and have workout clothes & sneakers ready.

3.  I will run 2 or 3 times during the week. I will plan for these runs. On Sundays I will look at the family schedule to determine best days & times for my runs. As school starts, I will rely on this schedule to keep on track.  I also will complete my long run on whatever weekend day fits in best…right now that is probably going to be Sundays and I may do them in the morning just to simulate the actual half but again, all will depend on needs of family schedule.

4. Menu plan! This is just as important! Every Sunday, will post a weekly menu plan and my weekly workout plan.  Menu planning will ensure I am fueling my body properly.

I want to be healthy and I want to lose the rest of the weight my body want to lose. Notice I did not say a specific number?!?! I don’t care what the final number is, I really don’t. I do know that my body is not at its optimal fighting weight!! 😉

I want to run this half marathon in great shape! I want to feel strong! I want to be strong.

To be strong is going to take hard work.

A quote from my Runner’s World email Daily Kick in the Butt: “If you want to be a better runner, you’ve got to run more. It’s as simple as that.” Tom Fleming, running coach

guess I have to run more?!?!

I am willing to put in the hard work. I will make sure that while I put in all this hard work I need to spend quality time with my family. They are supporting and helping and inspiring me! I need to be more present with them as well. I have been to drawn into myself lately. Time to come back into the light.

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine!

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine!


6 Responses to “It really IS what I want”

  1. KCLAnderson (Karen) August 20, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    BIG GRIN!!

    I just posted this response on my own blog, but want to include it here too:

    For those who want to run, compete, body build, etc. I am behind you 100%! I am screaming and leaping for joy on the sidelines!! Seriously. I am thrilled for you. I know how much time and dedication, blood, sweat and tears it takes and I know how freaking awesome it feels to cross a finish line. I remember how excited I was to run my first 5K…and who knows? I may do another one some day. But in hindsight, I see that running races was not really *my* dream. I did it because I didn’t know what my dream was and I got caught up in the tide. I did it because I thought it was one more way I might fix myself.

    Run Jen Run!!

  2. Amy August 20, 2010 at 4:17 pm #

    Nice post! I’ll help you in any way that I can! Maybe I can drive alongside when you run on a trash day! Seriously though, I have been thinking I need to get back to being fit….

  3. Nadine August 21, 2010 at 12:36 am #

    Good stuff!! Way to step back and re-evaluate what YOU really want. I love your plan. It is an amazing feeling when you realize that you really ENJOY running. And whoo hooo to focusing on feeling strong instead of a specific number…believe me, there is no magic number!!

  4. Anonymous August 21, 2010 at 7:06 am #

    What a great post, Jen….thanks for bringing up all these important points of WHY you should run. i am runing for ME, too…and it feels good…although I am just going to do a 5k, it is a start!

  5. Mary (A Merry Life) August 21, 2010 at 7:10 am #

    Great post Jen. I’m so glad you are doing what YOU want to do and not letting anyone else’s dreams become your own. I wish I was there so we could be workout buddies!

  6. Lissa_ShrinkingJeans August 21, 2010 at 11:30 pm #

    Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

    Love you, girl!

    I want to SEE JEN RUN!

    We are chondromalacia-patella-soul-sisters. ;p

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