emotional rollercoasters

25 Oct

I am so all over the place. My emotions have been running wild…hello roller coaster! Between the cat and the husband the being broke and stressing about bills and everything surrounding my 11-year old I am walking a fine line. That line is between my health and sanity and a total breakdown. I have been crying a lot. I cry over stupid things, I cry over big things, TV makes me cry, blogs make me cry….I am turning into an emotional freak!

Writing it out helps but even now I feel like a freak. Who wants to read about sadness and depressing stuff?!?

But this is my journey and it is my REAL LIFE!!

and

some days there will be sadness.

Yesterday was one of  those days.

I reacted to my sadness and lack of control.

I was going to take control of something. anything!

I blogged that I was going to jump right back into half training. My dear friend, Mo is running her first half in Disney in January and I thought I would jump right in and train with her as a way to support her! I have since had some time to think and reflect and also talk to a good friend. The second good friend is my running guru (I don’t think she even knows how much I count on her) and she said a few things that made me think about what I was doing and for what reason.

I jumped in with both feet. I thought I needed to be training for something. anything. I felt like I needed to fix all the mistakes I made in my first half marathon training. I need to complete the entire training plan.  I need to fix my running. I need to fix things I can fix.  I haven’t run since my half. I wasn’t all that sore after my half – yes, I was sore but I was expecting worse – but I had a few blisters that I didn’t want to hurt. I made excuses and then yesterday when I woke up in pain. My back, actually the entire left side of my back, was a knotty, painful mess. I spent most of the day on a heating pad and I cried a lot.

While I was in the middle of this emotional roller coaster, I wanted to finish my post. I had been trying to finish that learning experience post for days…so I did.

Can I take some of it back?

I am not ready to train for another half. I want to sit back and cheer Mo on, not run virtually with her…not to say I don’t want to run with Mo because I do but I need to sit this one out! I DO want to keep running. I do want to improve my running. I do want to run more than I walk. I would love beyond love to have the ability to run a 5K without walking. I didn’t even think this was a possibility until recently.  I still wonder how hard this really will be….maybe I have been using my walking breaks as a crutch?!?

Maybe, I am not sure but I am going to explore. I am going to push myself to new limits.

I am a runner…

but…

I have only just begun!!

I have a new goal (new since yesterday) to run a full 5K.

Can I do it?!?

I am going to follow one of Hal Higdon’s 5K training plans. I think following the 5K plan is perfect for me….I tend to jump 10 steps ahead of where I should start. I never got into the “stretch and strengthen” days and I did not do a lot, if any, strength or cross training during my half training. So for the next 8 weeks, I am training for a 5K and I am focusing on all aspects of the training.

This is the next step in my process.

See Jen Run!!

In 8 weeks, I will run a 5K and I will feel stronger because I WILL be stronger!

Today is day 1: stretch and strength.

I feel good about my new game plan. I will be working on me and I will be working on my running. Running always makes me feel better!

What makes you feel better?

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20 Responses to “emotional rollercoasters”

  1. KLI October 25, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    you inspire me, my friend. xoxo

  2. Kirsten October 25, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

    It’s good to step back and realize our life’s little ways of slowing us down. Take it easy and enjoy your training for a 5K.

  3. @FitInMyHeart (Dr. Mo) October 25, 2010 at 5:56 pm #

    Awwww… My Dearest J!!! First of all {{Hugs}} You and I are ALWAYS a team!!! I LOVE your new plan!! You must PAVE THE WAY so that I may FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS!!! 2011 we WILL run together!! I don’t like to hear that my Jersey Girl is hurting in any way!! Its time to take care of YOU, J!! Physically AND emotionally!! No #SweepingUnderTheRug (Like we do so well) As ALWAYS, I’m HERE FOR YOU!!! This TOO Shall Pass..
    Love You LOTS
    Your Warm Cup Of “Mo”

  4. KCLAnderson (Karen) October 25, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

    What makes me feel better is knowing that I can “take it back” if I want…and so can you! But no one can take away the fact that you ran a half…even if you never run again! There is nothing wrong or shameful in deciding you don’t want to run another half (right now) and would rather do a 5K. I’m always changing things around…first I was a runner, then it was kickboxing, and now it’s kettlebells. I’m okay with that…it’s how I roll. Go Jen GO!

  5. Anonymous October 25, 2010 at 10:07 pm #

    Wow!! Great words….that we all need to take to heart some times! I am kind of doing the same thing…I’m doing my own version of training for my next 5K…running when I can and not pushing myself BEYOND what I really can do! Good job for taking a step back and not being upset with yourself for doing so!

  6. DareToBecome October 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    There is strength and confidence in your decision – I feel it. We are all only human and need to be flexible always. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve changed my mind over something but I think that is all GOOD.

  7. Heather H October 25, 2010 at 10:59 pm #

    You are totally an inspiration for me to do what I can instead of pushing too hard. I’m signing up for a December 5K, which gives me about six weeks to “train.” This post was the perfect way for me to remember to just do what I can instead of stressing when weather/life/whim knocks me off my six week training track.

    • jeninRL October 27, 2010 at 8:10 pm #

      You can do it Heather!! I know you can! Keep me posted, ok?!?

  8. Anonymous October 26, 2010 at 3:18 am #

    Good for you for thinking of this so rationally! It’s always good to have a goal and that’s awesome that you didn’t scrap yours…you just altered it to fit where YOU are.

    And I never did any of the stretch/strength stuff either. I still struggle with it.

    • jeninRL October 27, 2010 at 8:08 pm #

      I am not usually this rational but I think some rational is good for me! I will keep altering until I figure it all out!! Thanks for sharing this journey with me! MUCH LOVE!

  9. Twix October 26, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

    It’s better to be real than not. I’m glad you were able to find something to jump into! There is something at my place with your name on it, come claim it! 😀

    • jeninRL October 27, 2010 at 7:54 pm #

      Thanks Twix!! I am all about being REAL…what you see is what you get!

  10. KIMpossible October 26, 2010 at 7:30 pm #

    Your post hits home to me. I jump in both feet all the time and then I’m like “whoa, wait a minute here!” Usually, it’s kinda too late. Or is it?! The other day you posted that you would never leave your intervals and that got me thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have. I was faster with my intervals. Running without gave me better endurance. It’s such a weird balancing act (such is life). I was just thinking of incorporating intervals back in and here you are contemplating taking them out! ha!

    I like your plan – conquer that 5K! You will figure out what works best for you! =)

    • jeninRL October 27, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

      JUMP, JUMP sisters!! Have you tried intervals yet?

  11. Katdoesdiets October 26, 2010 at 10:56 pm #

    You absolutely can run a 5k. I find when I slow down, even just a bit, I can run much longer. Sounds like a great choice on the half.

  12. Nadine October 27, 2010 at 9:56 am #

    I’m with you. Running makes me feel better. It is a great goal to have to run a full 5K — and it will help you in the long run (he he) run a better 1/2 if you want to down the road.

  13. Elina (Healthy and Sane) October 27, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    I just found your blog but I think it’s a wonderful plan. I haven’t really run since my last half (and I don’t know if I will) – it takes a toll on your emotionally and physically and while our ambitious minds want to just jump back in and do it again… and do it better, it may not be the best thing for us. Start slow. You can do it!!! 🙂

    • jeninRL October 27, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

      Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate any and all support. I am heading over to check out your site! xox, jen

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