real ain't always pretty

8 Nov

I have been in a funk!

F.U.N.K.

Nasty, sad, grumpy, cranky, mean, tired, eating crap, feeling terrible about eating crap,  bloaty, tired, mean, cranky, grumpy, sad, nasty. Nasty, sad, grumpy, cranky, mean, tired, eating crap, feeling terrible about eating crap,  bloaty, tired, mean, cranky, grumpy, sad, nasty. Nasty, sad, grumpy, cranky, mean, tired, eating crap, feeling terrible about eating crap,  bloaty, tired, mean, cranky, grumpy, sad, nasty.

You get the point.

I blogged last week that it was time! And I was ready! I swear, I was but I am telling you it has been one thing after another and I broke down.  I reached a point where I just was tired: tired of fighting just to survive, tired of fighting and shit still falling apart, tired and needing a break. I held it together enough so that the karate kid hasn’t a clue about the harshness that sometimes occurs in life.

If you follow me on facebook or twitter you may already know but last week we had to put down our cat. Adolph was 17 years old and a very important part of our family. Big Man has had Adolph since he was a kitten.  Adolph, also known as Little Man, will be missed.

This is what I call his “Panda Kitty” pose!! Isn’t he handsome?!?

I was tired and sad and I needed a break.

SO….

I took a break.

On my break, I ate crap and slept long hours, and ate crap and lounged and lounged. I literally could not make myself be productive.

and, now I need a break from my break.

I don’t feel better for trashing my body with crap. I don’t feel better for trashing my body and soul – yep, I feel trashed because I have not moved my body in weeks.

I have not talked about this before because I do not like being so negative. I hate it! I am a positive, upbeat person and I do not get all dark and gloomy ….well, apparently I do get dark and gloomy but not often and when I do I can’t come here and act all happy like everything is peaches and roses. And I really, really dislike coming here and being so negative.

I need to fight the FUNK!

I am lacing up my gloves!

I am putting on my war paint!

I am going to fight for me!!

How?!?

I know I have made plans before that never quite work but I will keep coming up with plans that work for me. I will not give up, I will readjust until I figure out what works best for me!

I may not be able to control everything that is thrown my way. Glasses will break and animals will need the vet and bills will still need to get paid. I am going to focus on what I can control and right now I have to control myself.

1. Time to get all those fruit & veggie servings…aiming for 5-7 servings every day.

2. 30 minutes of working out (that means sweating and heart racing) every day.

3. 100 ounces of water every day.

The key words here are EVERY DAY….consistency is the key!!

Every day for 31 Days. At the end of one month (31 days or December 10, 2010) I will see how I did.

I shouldn’t hide when things are ugly but I just feel so darn guilty complaining about the same stuff all the time! Well, here is to 31 days of healthy habits and taking care of me!!

Take 2?!?

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15 Responses to “real ain't always pretty”

  1. MizFit08 November 9, 2010 at 10:53 am #

    xo xo xo xo
    and you know consistency is the KEY FOR ME.
    a little
    every day
    forever
    In all areas of my world.

  2. A Magic Mommy November 9, 2010 at 11:01 am #

    I have been feeling the same way! My throid meds aren’t working and I’ve been in a slump. I want to fire out of the tiny whole I’m in but starting up has been a stumbling block. But we can do this! Hang in there!

  3. Tekaran_Lady November 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

    I’m right there with ya. Been in a slump health wise for a while now. Thank you for your honesty. It’s inspired me to try getting back on track.

  4. Kyra November 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

    You’ll get your groove back, Mama. You guys have been through some rough stuff. Cut yourself some slack, and give yourself a hug. Sending you a hug from me too.

  5. Kayla November 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm #

    Jen, I’m right there with ya, chica! There are some days I wake up ready to take over the world and then there are days I don’t do a damn thing. My funk has out stayed it’s welcome.

    You are amazing. You are strong. You are awesome! Lace up those boxing gloves tight and show the world how completely kick ass you are!

    Love you! ❤

  6. Anonymous November 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm #

    Funk must be going around because I am going through it too! No explaination just am….I will help you out of yours if you help me out of mine, k?
    sorry about your kitty! I hate that animals get old and sick and have to leave our family….;(((

  7. KCLAnderson (Karen) November 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

    I’m so very sorry to hear about your kitty. I know how very hard it is having had to put down our boy Claude a couple of months ago, and our boy Dude two years ago. I STILL get a lump in my throat and sometimes I still cry!

    Don’t fight the negative. Negative happens. You can’t have positive without it!

    I’ll leave you with this:

    “This isn’t about repression or denial (of negative feelings), which allow us to set up elaborate games so we can pretend that negative thoughts and feelings are not occurring or that they don’t exist. … Admit to the existence of negative thoughts, understand where they came from and why they arrived, and then – with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismiss them. … It’s a sacrifice to let them go, of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes.” ~ from Eat, Pray, Love

  8. Jenni November 9, 2010 at 8:01 pm #

    I am sorry that you had to say goodbye to your friend. They are an important part of our lives, and I know it hurts. Your kitty friend would want you to do what you need to do to feel good. Keep fighting!

  9. Sheila November 10, 2010 at 12:30 am #

    Hang in there, pick yourself up, and just put one foot in front of the other.
    My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family

  10. Nadine November 10, 2010 at 10:08 am #

    We lost our 16 year old cat about 6 months ago. It was really hard, even though we knew he had lived a good, long life. I am sorry for your loss, and for your funk. Funks happen. Recognizing funks and making plans to kick it to the curb are important. Talking it out is also important…so you’re doing all the right things. Just remember not to put so much pressure on yourself to make a perfect plan, and stick to it perfectly — progress not perfection is the name of the game. Short term goals are great — and just remember to treat yourself for the things you do well.

    Hugs!

  11. Irene Robertson November 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm #

    Girl, who are you telling. I am having the same damned problems. We should meet up soon, go for a jog in the cold.

  12. Anonymous November 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm #

    Oh, I’m so sorry about Adolph. I know how hard that is.

    Want a partner on your 31 day journey?? I’ll totally do it with you if you want company!

  13. Kath November 16, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Sorry about Adolph. We lost Little D, the world’s best cat in May…on my DD6’s birthday, no less.

    Yeah, sometimes life beats the crap out of you, and that’s when you need to be gentle with yourself. It’s trial and error to figure out what “gentle” means for you. You’ll make it. I KNOW it!

  14. MizFit08 November 19, 2010 at 10:50 am #

    checking on you. email me. text me. IM HERE!

  15. AKA Freak4Fitness November 19, 2010 at 11:16 pm #

    This is great that you’re setting these goals for 31 days, because I’ve read it takes 20 days for something to become a habbit. So GO YOU!
    And don’t feel bad about not being able to keep positive, you’ve had some stressful things, you’re human, it’s okay to feel 🙂

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