it's a very long road

16 Jan

Earlier today, I was sifting through the pictures I have taken this week and I came across this picture:

I took this picture with my blackberry on my way home from the library the other day. I remember thinking the road was so empty and quiet. My mind wanders and jumps around and this view needed me to capture it.  I took a quick picture and kept going and thought of my favorite poem…Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

I had to memorize and recite this poem in 7th grade. In college, I had a poetry class and this poem came back to me. Driving down that road, I thought of this poem.

The view and the poem made me stop and remember that I am on a journey of a lifetime. My journey has taken me far but I have really just begun.  I have miles to go. I started this journey thinking it was all about losing weight – that almighty number on the scale. I wanted and needed to lose a bunch of weight so I could be skinny.  I learned what a portion looked like and made a lot of changes  to the way me and my family ate. Somehow, my journey became less and less about the number on the scale.

I stopped weighing in every week and I stopped counting points. I have spent the last year at basically the same number on the scale and when I initially started thinking about the number on the scale I wanted to beat myself up. Thankfully, a few of my friends commented and told me to be kind to myself. So, I am thinking about it this way – I have not been a slave to the scale or calorie counts and yet I stayed in the same weight range which is still a loss of 40 pounds.

I am not even sure how I got hung back up on the number…it is just a number and I thought I was over it…I guess some habits die hard…

But I am thinking positively, I maintained a 40-pound weight loss for over a year. In the last year I started running, tried boxing, kickboxing, the elliptical, pilates, and a kettlebell.

2011 is bound to bring on its own adventures and bumps on the long road that is my journey. I am going to follow the advice of a friend and make the commitment to loving myself. I am going to commit to myself. I am going to believe in myself.  I am going to love myself, not diet and restrict. I will focus on positive things not just numbers on a stupid box. Life is not about numbers, it is about the adventures or the things you do, the actions.

This is hard but I do love me, as is – right this moment, so here goes:

This is me! Today, January 16, 2011!

There is a song by Natasha Bedingfield called Unwritten – I love this song, especially these lyrics:

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I love this song and sing it every time I hear it on the radio – and as I was working and writing this post this song popped in my head.

I guess it is time for some adventures in real life so I can write my story and fill my blank pages…


11 Responses to “it's a very long road”

  1. Jules Big Girl Bombshell January 17, 2011 at 3:53 am #

    SO PROUD OF YOU! YES! The Attitude NOT the scale!

  2. Anonymous January 17, 2011 at 4:43 am #

    Awesomeness all around! You go girl!

  3. Foodie McBody January 17, 2011 at 4:46 am #

    you are awesomeness. I *heart* you and this entire post.

  4. Dr. Mo January 17, 2011 at 5:19 am #

    You KNOW I LOVE the picture… To KNOW all the THOUGHT behind the pic… WOW!! J, You’re BEAUTIUL!!!!

  5. Anonymous January 17, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    Great post! This weekend, someone asked me how much weight I had lost (because at times it is all about the number…and I very proudly answered…and the next question is, inevitably, how long did it take you…and I said 18 months. So, my average weight loss was less than a pound a week. As you know, I got there with Weight Watchers. But, the point of my story is this. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got. If you want something to change, you gotta change something. Right? It is easy to get caught up in the obsession of calorie counting, over-exercising or whatever, but for me, finding a healthy balance that included the tools that led to results was the key. Some people can eat intuitively, I have to follow a recipe. I am much better with a plan.

    I keep saying, I admire you for constantly reinventing yourself and for your tenacity. Maintaining a 40 lb loss is a great accomplishment. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is an achievement!!

  6. Lisa January 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    awesome post Jen, I love it! (and that song is my FAVE!!)
    i struggle with all of this too and we just have to let go of the numbers sometime and appreciate/love who we are. A friend of mine said it best when they told me “treat yourself (in words and thoughts) as you treat your children.” That always helps hit it home for me. HUGS!!

  7. DareToBecome January 17, 2011 at 4:47 pm #

    Why is it the moments of crystal clarity come so infrequent in our lives? I loved this post because this is YOU shining through. You are incredible just the way you are. The more I move the better I feel. The better I feel the less I want to eat crap. The better I feel the more I want to do….and it goes on. XXOO

  8. Thea January 17, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    I love that song, that poem, and YOU! I’m so proud of you, you know that?

  9. MizFit January 18, 2011 at 10:55 am #

    such a long story behind my love of this song (for a private moment :)) but LOVE.

  10. FatFighterTV January 19, 2011 at 4:58 am #

    Jen, you should be so proud for so much! Not just for losing the weight and keeping it off and for all the new things you tried last year, but for realizing where you are with it all – so important. And I, too, love love that song!

  11. Wifey January 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    What a BEAUTIFUL post from such a BEAUTIFUL you!

    Winks & Smiles,

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