two days…

3 May

does not a comeback make…

but its a good freaking start!!

And,

As long as I keep starting,

I am NOT quitting!

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions lately and I just plainly have not been myself. Not completely myself anyway. I am working through all these demons. I won’t lie, there have been days where I just don’t care or want to care. This whole weight loss thing has become this whole lifechanging journey (I am borrowing the LCJ from Tara, thanks friend)!  I have gained a bunch back (about half of what I had originally lost) and I have stopped working out with any real consistency. And my head – oh my head – is all over the place. I am a blubbery emotional mess a lot of days. I have been very blah.

I did not magically wake up on Sunday morning and say,

“Wow,world! It’s a new month and now I am all better and I will rock with the eating and the fitnessing!”

I sort of wish it was that easy.

I have decided that enough is enough!

A lot Most of this is a total mental mindfuck.

I have excuses! I am pretty dern good at excuses.

Bottom line.

I make too many fucking excuses!

So, I am gonna just

SHUT UP and RUN!

SHUT UP and EAT BETTER!

and for fucksake,

I am a grown woman, I know there are things in life that I just must DO!

Bills, work, chores….ya know the boring grown up crap that has to get done.

My health has to be the same!

I honestly do not care if anyone ever thinks of me as skinny, and I honestly don’t want to be skinny. I want to be healthy – now, i have NO health issue but I know the excess weight I am carrying makes running harder on my joints and lungs and heart. I want to be healthy. I want to be physically and mentally strong!

I want to call myself a runner and believe it.

I know that a runner is someone who runs – but I still feel like I am faking the whole running thing.

I want to BELIEVE it!

I want to BELIEVE in me!!

so it has only been two days and I feel great!!

To Infinity and Beyond!! Where are you going?

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5 Responses to “two days…”

  1. Reen May 3, 2011 at 7:21 am #

    Jen, that’s what it’s all about, one step at a time, whether good or bad, one step at a time. Just keep taking that step. If you fall, so what, you get the heck back up and then what? You take another step.

    I sure hope you have a great day today. Looks like it’s going to be a gorgeous one around here. Wish I didn’t have to work. If I could take off, I’d be heading to “the shore”, to the beach. 🙂

  2. Lisa May 3, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    You can do it! April was full of downs for me too (as I didn’t have many ups last month) and I put my foot down too. I believe in you girl!!!

  3. AnnG May 3, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    You can do it!! We have lots of support here….so when you get down REACH OUT and get help!! {hugs}

  4. laurajane May 3, 2011 at 11:33 am #

    Good attitude! You’re right, it’s not that easy! Sometimes you just have to do it and stop the excuses!

  5. Leaving Fatville May 3, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    Love love love this post! You are totally on the right track, and so what if it’s only 2 days. It’s two days more than last week. I’m so proud of you, girl. You’re kicking butt!

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