it is ok, totally ok

28 May

Yesterday was insanely humid.

Like 97% humidity.

I think we hit 85* yesterday.

AND 97% humidity.

It was hot. It was sticky.

Summer has arrived in South Jersey.

2 weeks ago it was barely 60* and raining.

This week, the heat and humidity rolled in.

Did I mention, that this is the week I started Half Marathon Training?!?

Did I mention, I work in a way old school building?!?

Did I mention, the AC in my classroom does not work?!?

Yesterday, the heat and humidity finally got to me.

I was exhausted from a day of teaching.  My kids are a bit high strung and require a lot of attention on a normal day, but the day before a long holiday weekend causes them to go off the rails completely. It was an exhausting day all around.

Once home, I had the most amazing conversation with my friend, Mo. We don’t get to talk all that often but yesterday we chatted for about an hour. Mo is an amazing friend and we chatted about everything. She really helped me figure out that I was depressed this winter…so talking yesterday dredged up a lot of “stuff”  but in a good way. Heck, being able to talk about it with someone who knows me is a great way to work through some of the gunk.

Mo said I sounded like I was back to being me.

She is right.

I feel alive.

I feel refreshed.

I feel like I have a new outlook.

Gone are the feelings of dread over the scale.

Gone are the feelings that training is a chore or an obligation.

I am doing this for me.

Not to lose x-number of pounds.

Not to brag and receive accolades on my blog or twitter or facebook (I may have done this in the past).

I am not even doing this because all the cool kids are doing it (I definitely have done this in the past).

Nope, for the first time….I am doing this for me.

And I am going to do this thing – MY LCJ (life changing journey – thanks tara) is about me.

ME!

Me finding me.

Me being the best me!

I have learned a lot!

Case in point, this post was just going to be where I wrote about the humidity & a phone conversation sapping the life out of me yesterday. I did not do my “official” cross-training yesterday and  I just wanted to document that. But then I started writing, and all sorts of thoughts and feelings started forming.

I realized, I am not upset that I didn’t cross train yesterday.

Yesterday, I did an incredibly mental workout.

I am learning.

Learning is important too!

Taking care of and being gentle with myself while I change my life to be the best me I can be.

I kinda like me….I just deserve to be the best me!

Stay tuned, I think the next leg of my LCJ is going to be spectacular!

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8 Responses to “it is ok, totally ok”

  1. AnnG May 28, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    Good for you Jen!!! Great to see you coming back to life!!

  2. Meegan (redstar5) May 28, 2011 at 1:54 pm #

    This is rock star awesome. I love when a relatively straight forward post turns into something huge.
    i don’t doubt for a second that what happens next for you will be spectacular – you will make it so! xo

  3. @FitInmyheart May 28, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    It was so great to catch up!!!! Your “Energy” was ELECTRIFYING!!!! One “Second” at a time, lil soldier!! 😉 Enjoy this LCJ!!!! (Love that, Tara)
    Love you LOTS
    Dr. Mo

  4. Marzipan May 28, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

    I love this post!!! And this is EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now. Yesterday I was talking to someone about just having gone for a run, and she said “oooh that’s so good for losing weight – I should do that.” I thought about it for a while, because this was definitely how I felt in the past.. but now? I just had to say, yeah it WAS so good.. but not because I’m trying to drop pounds – it was good because when I’m running, I am able to put everything in order in my head, I am able to drop everything else that I’m carrying, and I am able to push through the obstacles that I put in my own way. xoxo

  5. KCLAnderson (Karen) May 28, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    What an awesome post!! And that photo is SO you…so real so beautiful! Peace baby!

  6. Christie {Nourishing Circle} May 29, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

    Love you, my friend. I am so excited to come along for the ride of your LCJ.

  7. shauna May 30, 2011 at 7:08 am #

    Ahh fabbo post Jen! Sounds like you are in a goooood place… doing things for you is the only way to go 🙂

    Btw I do not envy you with that heat! (says the woman who was bitching that baltimore was too hot 😉

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Body Loving Blogosphere 05.29.11 | medicinal marzipan - May 29, 2011

    […] Jen in Real Life, It is OK, Totally OK […]

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