Emotional Weight: a Guest Post

9 Jun

 

 

 

It is with great pleasure and honor, I introduce you to my very good friend Tara!! For those of you who don’t know Tara, you should get to know her!! Tara is an amazeballs chick and I am so happy she agreed to guest post here today!!

 

Tara helped me understand the concept of emotional weight and now, she is going to share her wisdom with you!!

 

Without further ado…..

heeeeerrre’s Taaaara!

My name is Tara. I used to weight 270 pounds. In December of 2009, I made the life changing decision that being morbidly obese and depressed was no longer an option for me. I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror and see the black cloud that occupied my body, mind and spirit. I was more than unhealthy: I was unhappy, unmotivated and what I like to call “the walking dead”.

In the beginning of my life changing journey (LCJ) I thought it was all about the physical weight. Everyday I would spend a few hours sweating off the fat by walking or working out on the wii. Counting the calories I burned and counting the calories I put in my mouth. The weight came off slowly. Physically I felt better. I was sleeping better. I had more energy. But emotionally I was still seeing that black cloud in the mirror. I thought for sure that when the number on the scale went down, the black cloud would dissipate and what I would see would be a thing of beauty standing before me…

Yhea, not so much.

It took me a while to understand that no matter what my final weight loss number was, the emotional weight that I carried inside of me would keep me morbidly obese in my mind. It would keep me depressed and emotionally unhealthy.

Emotional weight = emotionally unhealthy.

When you get to be 270 pounds, depressed and the only comfort you find is when you’re lost in a video game for upwards of 8 hours per day, you tend to carry around a lot of emotional weight. I didn’t know what that meant until a few weeks into my LCJ when the voices in my head began to convince me that this attempt to lose weight and change the way I looked at life would be as unsuccessful as all the other attempts previous.

I would fail.

I couldn’t hide my emotions in a plate of food any longer. I needed this time to be different. I needed to lose the weight in order to save my life and be the person I was meant to be. I had to believe I deserved this change more than anything in my entire life. The problem was; I didn’t think I deserved much of anything let alone this much needed change. The emotional weight bogged me down. Choices became harder to make. Movements forward became steps back and the cloud occupying my every fiber dug deep into my soul.

It had to be different this time.

Instead of stuffing my face with food in hopes of stuffing my emotions back to a place where they could be ignored, I patiently allowed myself to feel. It was scary at first. Acknowledging both my feelings and that my feelings were important was new to me. Allowing myself to feel something other than “numb” left me exposed, weak and feeling down right stupid at times but something funny started to happen..

I was feeling!

Then something miraculous happened: those emotions that I had spent 40 years stuffing into my morbidly obese body because I was too afraid to feel? They vacated the premises. It wasn’t easy. It didn’t happen overnight and more often then not they come knocking on my door wanting to reminisce. I let them hang out for a bit but in the end when I start making choices that are not appropriate for this life changing journey I kindly show them the door.

Letting go = Emotionally Healthy

We think by showing our emotions and facing the past in order to get to the future we all deserve is going to bring too much fear into our lives. In fact, it has done just the opposite. Sharing my emotions, facing the issues of my past and taking care of business when they come knocking on my door has given me the tools to move on more quickly. Continually shedding my emotional weight helps me to refocus when I feel lost and more powerful when I know I’ve conquered something huge.

It’s your turn now.

Are you letting go? Or are you holding on to feelings and emotions that are too scary to face? The physical weight may be coming off but in the end it’s the emotional weight that will keep it off. Stop running away from the emotions. Turn around, face them head on and proclaim that you deserve this change.

Believe me.

You do.

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10 Responses to “Emotional Weight: a Guest Post”

  1. Christie {Nourishing Circle} June 9, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    ❤ you both.

  2. KCLAnderson (Karen) June 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    Yeah…what Christie said 🙂

  3. Tara June 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

    It’s an effin love fest up round here!!!!!

  4. Jeannie June 9, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    Thanks for sharing. It is nice to hear from others on how they deal with emotional weight and eating.

  5. Jules Big Girl Bombshell June 10, 2011 at 1:01 am #

    Yep i will join in on this love fest… Love ALL 4 of you! AND yep…letting go of the emotional weight!

  6. Roo June 10, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    Wow. Just wow. You’re amazing T. You too J. 🙂

  7. AnnG June 11, 2011 at 12:00 am #

    What a great post….this pretty much sums up all the emotional garbage… I AM WORTH IT~~ Thanks for taking the time to write this. It helps to know I’m not alone!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Body Loving Blogosphere 06.12.11 | medicinal marzipan - June 12, 2011

    […] Jen in Real Life, [Guest Post] Emotional Weight […]

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