yesterday, today, tomorrow

29 Aug

I have not been myself.
No, scratch that.
I have not been nice to myself.

I was going to be nice to myself! I even told myself off in a letter! After I posted my letter to me, I was enjoying my week and starting to feel a bit more like myself again. I was feeling good about my half marathon coming up. I had accepted that I was going to finish because I trained and I was ready. I was getting rid of the self-doubt in my head. I was having fun.

Then…

On the morning of Sunday, August 21st I set out on my last long training run before the WildHalf on the 28th. I was a little cocky. I hadn’t run my long runs for a few weeks but I still thought I could handle 10 miles. Long story short – it was a miserable run – humider and hotter than hades – my legs were uncooperative to say the least. I may have been cocky but I was smart. I slowed down. I switched my run intervals from 4 minutes to 3 minutes to 2 minutes. I walked extra when needed. By 5 miles my feet were not happy with hitting the pavement. I kept going, at this point I had to turn around to head back home. I walked. I was so happy when I made it back home! It was so fucking hard but I was so proud for not giving up.
Well, my body rebelled! I tweaked something in my knee. After a day or two I knew it was something that needed to be seen by a doctor. I lucked out and my ortho could squeeze me in on Friday. Friday’s appointment with the ortho went rather quickly but when Dr. B felt/heard the popping thing in my knee he made a face that I really did not like. Dr. B wouldn’t give me a diagnosis but insisted I needed a MRI. I lucked out and was able to get the MRI done the next day, first thing. I am now waiting for my follow up appointment with Dr. B on Friday.

Then….

Hurricane Irene and her big bitchy self decided she wanted to come and play at the Jersey Shore! With Katrina still fresh in everyone’s minds and our islands loaded with tourists, the governor declared state of emergency and called for evacuations. I am glad I squeezed into doctor and MRI when I did because shortly after the only place open anywhere around were the liquor stores and 711.
We lucked out and never got the full brunt of Irene as was predicted. Other areas of NJ and the east coast were not so lucky. I spent 90% of saturday and sunday watching twitter and the news updates for weather watch. I am such a dork!

I also spent most of the last week feeling sorry for myself. My knee hurt so I couldn’t run or do much of anything. Stuck in the house. My knee needed the rest. It was clear by Thursday I would not be able to run my Half. By Friday, mother nature caused the race to be cancelled. It all just sucked!

I did not handle any of this!

I binged.

Ice cream
Chips
Pizza
Junk
Junk
Junk

Today I stepped on the scale. It was time to stop the binge and get back to taking care of me!

Its hard to start so I am going back to basics! Back to baby steps! No big, crazy goal – simple and attainable! First things first, I need to track! I need to write EVERYTHING down. I ordered a new food and fitness tracker and it was in the mail today. Thanks to Jen, PriorFatGirl, for the awesome recommendation!
I started reading the introduction pages in my shiny, new tracker and I came across this little gem:
“if you use your journal faithfully, your commitment will be strong and your goals will soon be reached.”

I have a big goal! I would like to lose 67 pounds. I want to do this 5 pounds a time and I want to do this while working on my head and heart. Tara, alifechangingjourney, calls it emotional weight – there is a reason I do what I do!
In order to make this happen I must track everything! I have set my sights on earning a tracking #7daychip!

My second goal comes from my girl Colleen, FitBee or @tryn2bfit! A few days ago Colleen tweeted this little gem that is going to be my new motto: “Every day is a chance to be better than the day before!”
I am not going to continue to beat myself up about what has already happened! I am going to simply, make today better than yesterday!

*picture in today’s post is the tracking daily page from my shiny, new journal!
** if the format of this post is funny, I apologize…I am loving thumbtyping my blog posts! When I sit at the computer I let myself get distracted by twitter or facebook or every other bell and whistle – on my phone I blog! Go figure!

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11 Responses to “yesterday, today, tomorrow”

  1. Melissa August 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    {{{Hugs}}} Sometimes life just happens. All we can do is dust ourselves off and get right back on the journey. I love that you’re looking at your goal 5 pounds at a time. That’s been one of the keys for me. Love the look of that journal! Who makes it?

    P.S. – Your blog formatting looks fine to me. I would never have known you did it from your phone. 🙂

  2. Brooke August 29, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

    mkay remember all those bad ass things you said to me earlier today? well i moseyed into my doctor’s office & got the job done. bets to you. gonna see me, or raise me? no folding allowed!

  3. Bari August 29, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    You totally got this!

  4. Donna August 29, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Jen, it’s all part of the process. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. Screw-ups and all, you’ve made progress AND you know what you need to do. We all get a little sidetracked at times. It sounds like you’re taking the right steps to get yourself where you need to be. Keep at it, girl, you’re gonna make it.

  5. Heather August 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    It’s so difficult to follow through at 100%. If you could do that, I would call you “robot Jen”. You wouldn’t even be human if things could always be 100%. With that being said, it sure would be nice to see a bit of “evening up” happen with the lower percentages wouldn’t it? Like, instead of three weeks of 20%, maybe toss in an 80 now and then. Just to shake things up. Especially during training. Especially in August. Especially when mentally….you *need* to see an 80% in the mix.

    I feel for you my friend. I’ve been fighting this same battle for quite some time. It’s not always fun or rewarding to play this game, is it? Sometimes, the hard work part of it is simply too much. So, this is when I remind you about all of the uplifting posts you’ve made on your blog over the years. And point out how many people you’ve helped along the way. Oh, and don’t forget all of the encouraging words you’ve passed along to others when they’re feeling in the dumps & injured. Don’t forget about the positives that are there. Funny how we never appreciate them until the negatives come into play. I hate that!

    Sending you some blog love,
    Heather xoxo

  6. @FitInMyHeart (Dr. Mo) August 29, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

    Tracking is GREAT!!! #YouCanDoThis

  7. Daretobecome August 29, 2011 at 6:27 pm #

    This journal is way cool. Please let me know where you got it. One day, one meal at a time is all we can do. Also, while you are on your path remember to love yourself in the very moment. None of us can be 100%. those who claim to live like that are liars. I call bullshit on those people.

  8. Tonyne @ Unlikely Success Story August 29, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    Oh girl, same here. Irene made me binge too…way too much stress, way too much time at work, way too much work stress…I was eating like there was no tomorrow! Today I have tracked though. We can do this!

  9. lissa August 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

    Sorry about your knee! I hope it’s nothing too serious. I have the chronic popping and grinding… chondromalacia patella or some shit. I have to be super-careful when doing any sort of squatting or lunging and I notice it is a lot more sensitive to other exercise when I am also running.

    You can do it!

  10. MizFit August 30, 2011 at 6:03 am #

    every time I see you tweet or FB or ANYTHING I think how well you are doing with all life has thrown your way, Sister.
    Im here in you need to vent.

  11. AnnG August 31, 2011 at 1:53 am #

    One day at a time, one step at a time YOU CAN DO THIS! So proud of you for not giving up on yourself! You go girl!!

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