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true confession tuesday: 10.4.11

4 Oct


1. I have been a bit of an emotional mess since I first hurt my knee on august 21. The time resting was also time spent eating.

2. After the ankle sprain last week I have been worse. After diagnosis and scheduling surgery I was an absolute emotional eating machine!

3. Last Wednesday, I joined  Shrinking Jeans in their latest challenge: Shrinkvivor!! I like challenges, especially team challenges! I weighed in last week at 217 lbs.  Did this stop my emotional eating?!? NO!!! I knew what I was doing but I couldn’t or wouldn’t stop myself.

4. I finally blogged about my impending surgeries and that helped me feel more comfortable with the whole situation. Putting it out there made it real – also, blogging it helped me reflect on my injuries. I NEED to get fixed and surgery is my only option. I know if I put off this surgery I will just be setting myself up for future failure. I want and need to be fixed so I can continue the healthy & active lifestyle I have begun!

5. I have not been drinking nearly enough water. I sorta have an excuse – my classroom is on 3rd floor and bathroom is on bottom floor – normally I love this – built in exercise! with a bum knee and a bum ankle – it SUCKS!


Ok, so now I have confessed! I am moving on!!

1. Yesterday, I began tracking my calories again.

2. I am working on my emotional eating!

3. I will up my water consumption!


They are right!! Confession is good for the soul!!!

I do feel better!!



finish what I start

12 Aug

summer 2011 018

summer 2011 019

I took these pictures over a week ago.

I wanted new starting pictures to go with YumYucky’s challenge.

I have a bad habit of thinking big, having tons of ideas, starting lots but finishing very little.

So, I am suckingitup, rippingoffthebandaid, and posting.


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really rough week

1 Aug

I do not really want to rehash the last week’s event but it is all part of the journey.  I feel like I need to get some things off my chest….and this blog is my place to let it all out. And you know how much I like bullets.

  • I worked very hard to close out my school’s summer program. This summer I was in charge of the program and I was so insanely busy. I cannot believe July is already over.
  • I did not track my food most days.
  • I used food to comfort. I used foods I had been avoiding because they are triggers for me.
  • I had to take my cat, Angus to the vet yesterday. I knew going that Angus would not be coming home with me. I took him because Big Man was just a complete mess and he couldn’t do it. We have lost 3 cats and 1 dog in the last 3 years. It has been very hard on Big Man – they were his babies long before he even knew me. I thought I could be strong and stoic for Big Man and Q. I thought it would be easier for me. I started crying on the drive to the  vet’s office and I am not sure when I stopped.
  • I ate more junky food. Now, I can see that I did this to stop feeling “empty” but it just didn’t help and now I feel worse. (Not mentally – I have accepted what I did and why so I am not beating myself up over it but I feel physically lousy-headachy and bellyachy and “heavy”)
  • I did not train this week. It was a lousy week and instead of turning to my training I shied away from it.  WHY?!?!
  • I spent a lot of time yesterday with my thoughts. I was very weepy and emotional and tired.
  • This morning and I stepped on the scale. I don’t really have a set day (usually Sunday or Monday) and surprise, surprise I was up 2.6 pounds. Ok, I was not surprised at all.
  • I am also not upset about the # on the scale – the scale has no power over me. It is just a number. And I certainly didn’t need to see the scale to know what a lousy week I had.
  • Let’s just say I am super happy that it is a new week!!
  • and a new month!



  • The month of August is going to be AWESOME-AMAZEBALLS-SPECTACULAR!!!!
  • I have my second half-marathon on August 28th.
  • I have NO work (Ok, I have “stuff” to do for school’s start in September and I have a meeting or two to attend but no real work schedule).
  • I am joining Josie’s “Finish what you start Challenge” (click on the picture below for more details) – I am terrible about finishing what I start. I have BIG ideas and impressive starts but I lack follow-through.
  • August is for follow through! August is for finishing. August is for kicking ass.
  • I have a training schedule for the next month but I need a bit more of a “plan” so I am going to sit down for a few minutes every night and reflect on the day behind and the day ahead. During this time, I will plan out the next day’s activities.
  • August is for the BEACH!!! Yep, it is most definitely a benefit of  being a teacher and living this close to the beach (I can choose the bay, ocean or lake for our summer water activities – yep, I know #lifeisgood)



So, I am setting out to shake off  the funk of last week’s suckiness!! I am setting to enjoy a fabulous August. I am setting off to start something and FINISH it!!


On today’s agenda: Fitness – 45 minutes run plus 10 minutes of KB swings, 25 squats, and 5 planks. Food – track all food and stay away from “junky” food.

I will check in daily  with a minimal post of what I did the day before and what my agenda is for the current day…’s about accountability. I need to be more accountable to myself!!


Here’s to AUGUST!!!!

Jen’s Big Idea

27 Jun


Last year for my birthday I received a Polar heart rate monitor.  I used it for almost all my workouts…I really liked knowing how many calories I was burning during a workout.

Never mind that I wasn’t actually counting calories.

Never mind that I had no idea what that actually meant.

My Polar was the greatest gift and I had no idea just how awesome until over a year later.

Last summer, I got a puppy. A very cute puppy who like all puppies, chewed. My puppy liked to chew rubbery things like flip flops and watch bands. What I mean, is Polar watch bands. Lucy ate most of the band off my awesome Polar watch. I was bummed because I was just getting used to using my Polar for more than just a watch.

Long story short, sometime over the winter I contacted @ChrisPolarUSA to see if he could help me replace my watch band. I had searched Polar’s website about just couldn’t findt it. Chris helped me with the watch band AND understanding Heart Rate based training. 

Somewhere along the way…I forget the details now…Chris and Polar began a team of Polar Ambassadors.

Yours truly is a Polar Ambassador.

It really is an easy product to endorse. The product is awesome! The company is AWESOME! The people behind the product (like Chris) are AWESOMEST!

Any question I have ever tweeted or emailed has been answered fully and quickly.

But what does an ambassador do?!?

Well, for each of us what we do is different. We promote the Polar product but we do it in our own unique way. I have not been sure what or how I can contribute. I am still so new to running and heart rate training.

After my long run this weekend and idea came to me.

After my runs and workouts I have been tweeting or facebooking my #polarproof pictures. I have even encouraged other Polar fans to do the same.


The idea of my very own Polar Club was formed.

It’s a simple idea for a simple club.

I don’t know about y’all but I can use all the support and encouragement I can get. Polar has been a huge help but I crave human interaction. I like to SEE what everyone is doing.

So, Jen’s Polar Club is simple….

If you want to join let me know in the comments here.

I will create a facebook group where we can chat and share ideas but most important, where we can share our #polarproof in pics.


So, what do you say??!?


Are you in?!?


Do you want to join my Polar Club?!?


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a different sort of confession

31 May

  • I indulged and I enjoyed food and treats this holiday weekend.
  • I indulged like a lot a lot.
  • I (with help of Big Man) set up the most amazing (for me and my tiny backyard) happy place.
  • I wore a swim suit and I didn’t spend the whole time tugging at it and trying to cover my body up with a towel or tee-shirt.
  • I ran all my training runs.
  • I missed one cross training workout.
I have come to realize a few things about me and my journey:
  • I am NOT a number.
  • I like me the way I am.
  • I want to be healthy and happy.
  • I want to be a runner.
  • I want to be strong.
  • I am NOT a number.
  • I am ditching the scale for good!!
  • I am no longer on a weight-loss journey (hell, I haven’t been losing weight so it hasn’t been a weight loss journey in a while)!
  • I am on a journey to be the BEST JEN I can be!!
  • I am going to focus on mindful living!
  • I have enough to focus on: a half marathon and taking back my headspace….
  • I am tired of being depressed – the scale does not help with my head.
  • so, the scale goes!!
Stay Tuned….the adventure is going to continue….


wednesday weigh in: Change

11 May

May Your Way Challenge

The sisters (and brothers) know how to throw a challenge! This challenge so perfect – I had to pick MY goals and do it MY way. Here are MY  May Goals and how I did:

  1. Follow my Body For Life plan: 10/10 – I may have gone a little overboard on Sunday but that is my cheat day. I am also not following BFL exactly but I am making better choices and for the first time in a very long time I am writing down all my food and exercise. I have a cute little purple notebook. I am tracking the old fashioned way – not counting anything but writing it all down. 
  2. Run 3-4 times per week: I am counting days I log miles while strictly walking or walk/running. I logged 13 miles last week! This week has had a slow start but I will get 3 in.  
  3. Drink 80-oz of water every day: 8/10 – this is getting easier. Thea is my #waternazi and she checks on me every day PLUS I am using my new giant purple bottle which holds 70+ ounces of water. 
  4. 30 minutes of physical activity every day: 7/10 – This particular visit with Aunt Flo has been sort of miserable and I have been in more pain than usual. My body needed rest more than it needed to be strict! 
  5. meditate/reflect every day: 10/10 – sometimes it is just an extra few minutes in the shower but I have been really listening to my thoughts. 

Starting Weight: 210.4 (May 1)

Last Week’s Weight: 212.6 (May4)

Today’s Weight: 209.2

Change since last week: -3.4

Change for Challenge: -1.2

Change is happening.
Change is good!
I feel change this time! I am writing it all down. I am letting myself feel it all! I am letting change happen and I am not trying to force it. I think change will happen now because I am not trying to make it happen. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes its great. Life is Good, all the time – I am just remembering that! I am remembering sometimes life sucks and sometimes its great but its all part of the ride!
I feel change.
I am letting go of expectations.
I am letting go of  “all or nothing” thoughts.
I am letting go of comparing myself.
I am ok with me!
I am ok with me just the way I am!
I am ok with me!
I am ok with making me better!
I realize the scale won’t make me better and today when I looked at the scale I realized it just didn’t matter. I didn’t get all excited that I lost 3.something this week. I thought about what I did – logged all my food, ran 3.1 miles, drank a bunch of water ever day and made better choices all around – and that’s when I smiles. Realizing all the good changes I made this week – that felt good! THAT was exciting!!
I am proud of me this week, not for the scale but because I kicked ass this week!!
Now tell me how you kicked ass this week!

wednesday weigh in

4 May

May Your Way Challenge

The sisters (and brothers) know how to throw a challenge! This challenge so perfect – I had to pick MY goals and do it MY way. Here are MY  May Goals and how I did:

  1. Follow my Body For Life plan: 3/3
  2. Run 3-4 times per week: I ran on Monday and I have a date with my sister on Wednesday and Friday. I am on track for 3, maybe 4 runs this week. 
  3. Drink 80-oz of water every day: 3/3
  4. 30 minutes of physical activity every day: 3/3
  5. meditate/reflect every day: 3/3
We are only 3 days into this challenge so there is not much to talk about but checking in is important. Part of this challenge does rely on points and yes, there are points for blogging. BUT, I am starting to find a certain value to blogging a bit more. I started this post last night before I went to bed and then finished it this morning. I did the same thing with my last post. That was a long way around saying – I am going to check in around here more often.  This blog is my safe space. I can say anything I am feeling here. I can curse and scream and throw a tantrum and its ok!! This is my space and right now,  I this safe space more than ever.  So I will be checking in weekly with my “stats” for the SJ challenge. I will be checking in with my stats because I would like a  better record of what I am doing.
I haven’t blogged my weight loss efforts in a really long time.  I am still not sure where to start with all that but I guess the only way to do it is fast – like ripping off a bandaid.
Starting weight: 210.4 (May 1)
Today’s weight: 212.6 (May 4)
Change: +2.2
Double Ugh!!
With a side of fuck!
I just had to say that and now I am moving on! Rome was not built in a day and I have been doing this thing for too long to get discouraged when I am just getting started. I know I have been doing this forever AND I am just getting started!
Plus, I am totally premenstrual so, weight gain happens. I will not overlook the last 3 days of moving my body and burning calories! I ran, hiked and  yardworked in the last 3 days.  I am focusing on what I am doing right – I am moving my body and I am paying attention to what I am eating. I am eating better and more consciously! I am choosing whole, REAL foods.
I am a work in progress and this gain is not going to distract me! Not this time!!
I am looking for my groove.
And like I said yesterday,  enough is enough and whether I really like it or not, I am just gonna DO IT! I am going to eat better! I am going to move more. I am going to be a little selfish and do what I need to do for me!! 
Isn’t he cute?!?

may MY way

1 May

It is time for me to forget whatever funk is going on with me. I do not need to label it or even pay it any attention. I need to pull my head out of my ass and just do what needs to be done.  My head and heart will follow.  It is time for me to stop thinking, overthinking and worrying about being perfect, worrying about failing, and generally not doing.

It is May, for goodness gracious, how the heck is it already May?!? 2011 is flying by and I don’t feel like I have accomplished a whole lot. But for today, I am not going to dwell on what has not happened and what I have not done.

It’s time to get back to ME! It’s time to get my head (and ass) back in the game. Lucky for me, my friends over at Shrinking Jeans have that all covered.  Enter their Newest Challenge:

May Your Way Challenge

I am gonna like this challenge – it’s whatever I set it to be.

May Goals:

  1. Follow Body For Life plan
  2. Run 3-4 times per week
  3. Drink 80-oz of water every day
  4. 30 minutes of physical activity every day
  5. meditate/reflect every day
Nice, realistic, attainable goals. I am choosing goals I know I can achieve and be successful.  I need a win!
Today’s check in:
1. Sundays will be my free day as per BFL. .
2. not a day for running.
3. check
4. one hour or yardwork.
I feel very positive! I usually start challenges and new goals feeling positive but this time is gonna be bit different! I feel it!!

How are you gonna do May YOUR way????